musings

every since I came here I am always being teased over the fact that I'm petite and how I look.
people here seemed to be super over-react by this fact, and it made me wonder, "hmm... am I that weird?" or "am I the only shorty here????" and "don't I look 20?"

a waiter at TGIF wrongly assumes that I was a kid and wanted to offer me a kid's menu::rolling my eyes:: when he found out I wasn't a kid (as if it has to take him a few minutes for his brain to process the image that I wasn't a kid. duh.) he made that disbelief face::rolling my eyes again:: because I told him I am 20.

and I did mention about a similar incident(on my previous post) that happened to me over the same reasons right? the only difference is that it happened in the cinema.



something to ponder on a busy saturday afternoon before I carry on burying myself in calculus and biochem.

I am bitter, cold, heartless and angry because I can't be myself now

I am and will be having awful weeks from now on. no. it has been awfully awful since last week when every single lecturer announced the dates for the tests, which will start commencing on this sunday.

Let's take a look at my sucky test and quiz schedule.
Sunday, 11/10 - Calculus (4 chapters)
Wednesday, 14/10- Biochemistry (7 chapters!!!!)
Thursday, 15/10- Analytical Chemistry (quiz, 3 Chapters)
Friday, 16/10- Analytical Chemistry (again!!!), (test, 3 chapters)
Monday - Lab exam

and then in about 3 weeks, I'll be sitting for my finals. oh, not forgetting tutorial assignments, lab reports and web- based assignments.
I've not stop burying myself in numbers and chemical stuff and biochemical stuff since I came back from Raya break.

I AM SO FREAKING TIRED. just thinking about the amount of stuff I have to do makes me even more lethargic, tired, bitter, and stressful!!!!

on the other hand, I have to attend this STUPID FREAKING IDIOTING POINTLESS USELESS camp organised my USM!
and it is compulsory for all FIRST YEAR STUDENTS to JOIN!

DON'T THEY GET IT?

I AM SO FREAKING UNINTERESTED IN THEIR FREAKING STUPID IDEA AND VISION OF THIS CAMP.

I SEE NO BENEFITS BECAUSE IT IS A WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY AND MONEY. IF THEY
ARE SO FREAKING RICH WHY DON'T JUST FREAKING INVEST ON SOMETHING BENIFICIAL INSTEAD OF THIS HOPELESS CAMP!

I DON'T SEE THE BENEFITS OF GETTING 5 HOURS OF SLEEP IN 3 DAYS, COOKING YOUR MEAL, AND PLAYING LAME GAMES WOULD INCULCATE LEADERSHIP QUALITIES AND PROMOTE A SENSE OF TOGETHERNESS IN EACH PARTICIPANTS.

COME ON, THAT MOTTO OR SO CALLED VISION IS SO LAME AND "LAPUK" K?

"1 SISWA 1 MALAYSIA"... THIS IS FREAKING BULLSHIT.
ARE WE NOT UNITED?
WE ARE NOT KILLING EACH OTHER SO I GUESS WE DON'T HATE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH AND WHAT MAKES THOSE PEOPLE THINK THAT WE ARE AS DIVIDED AS WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK.
THEY THINK WE ARE DIVIDED "NOW" BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FREAKING BLINDED AND FAKE AND CONTRADICTING.
HAVING STAYED TOGETHER FOR 52 YEARS AND NOW(only) WE ARE TALKING ABOUT UNITY, THAT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT!
I DON'T FREAKING BUY THAT.

I LIKE OUTDOORS VERY MUCH.. VERY MUCH. IN FACT I LOVE TREKKING AND CAMPS BUT NOT FORMAL ONES LIKE WHAT I AM JOINING IN TWO WEEKS TIME.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY ENJOY NATURE IF YOU ARE ASKED TO TREK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AFTER ENDURING SO MUCH IN THE DAY!!!!!!
I LIKE EXPLORING JUNGLES BUT NOT WHEN I COULD PRACTICALLY SEE NOTHING!


I AM feeling bitter and angry now. I need to let everything out and I gave myself at least 15 mins to let everything out because I get so upset and angry and messed up and confused and sensitive and irritated and restless over small things despite having so many things to do now. I have to end this post right now because I need to finish my assignments before dinner because I'm having class at 8 till 10pm...
I can't be righteous now because I just simply don't wanna be rational. the road ahead of me is all windy and I am not enjoying this ride.
sorry to say, when my mood is sucky words that come out of my mouth or mind sucks too.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH................................................

i don't know how I turned out to be a control- freak. nowadays I get agitated and irritated so easily whenever things didn't go as planned or as I wanted/figured/hoped it would.

sigh

I'm so stressed out that I'm so expressionless. I can't stop worrying about tests, exams, lab work, that "thing" etc etc...

can my brain just stop thinking for a while? can I not make decisions for a day? can someone actually plan my day on my behalf? I hope there's someone who would do me this favour... mmm...


me and my life is so boring and dull, just like my blog. sigh.



btw, Happy 20th birthday James!

ouch!

my eyes hurt whenever I see wannabes dressing up as a manga character and acting like one of the characters yet they wore the costumes in an ugly way. come on people, don't play barbie if you don't even know how to dress them up.
go your own way people. please. I beg you not to look ugly. seriously.
don't emulate people if you can't do better than them. it's a form of humiliation to their creation. and yourself too. just imagine if someone copied something that you have created and then they destroy it by doing it the wrong way, you'll be so disappointed right?







~can't help being evil on a hectic saturday evening~