Papa Soo said…

count you blessings, name them one by one
so, here goes
my blessing of the day: good sense of direction cos it led me to where i need to be today.

i begin to fear of phone calls from my family
especially during odd hours
most likely it would be something i am not ready to face
i am running out of time
this is the first time i am praying hard for the strength to get me through it
i will be alright
am i?

if this ain’t a double whammy i do not know what is

Subject: ME
Experiment: effects of sleep deprivation
Results: moody, lack of deliberation, lack of concentration, irritable, sensitive, lack of emotional control, impatience, sudden outburst of anger, whiny
Conclusion: none. beware that this is just the beginning.

i am either swamped with work or in distress.
LIFE SUCKS!
what can i do?
KICK SUCKS IN HIS ASS???
someone once said “perhaps our eyes need to be washed with our tears once in a while, so that we can see life in a clearer view again”
but i am just too tired to even think about it and cry. crying hurts.
things always seem so easy when you are at the other end. it is so easy to figure out a solution. it is the action that is difficult to put in effect.
what i am afraid most is gonna happen. soon.
I know my priorities. i know i gotta do this and this and that and this and that………
but i do not know where i am heading anymore!
so how am i suppose to just hang on???
what am i suppose to hang on to?
all i know now is work can actually stop myself from thinking. all i need to do is work work work work and work.
I am sorry for being all whiny, annoying and emotional. It is because I trust myself when i am around/beside you.

it ain’t pretteh

You might think running in the rain is fun. Well, think again.
the rain stinks. perhaps in Malaysia only.
and i bet i looked silly running in the rain just now.
i hope no one saw me. or i shall die of embarrassment.
i absolutely do not want people coming up to me and ask me if the silly girl they saw running under the rain was me. NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
i have tons of people bombarding ridiculous questions at me i don’t need another reason for them to ask me stupid questions like that.
you probably be thinking why am i reacting this way
well, for all you know
i don’t have a body like

this (robust, muscular body not the gender of course)
neither
was i all dressed up nicely and running gracefully like

this
nor like

this
the girls looked happy
i was obviously not! duh
apart from running in my ugly attire i was squinting and running at the same time. how ugly and stupid. the rain was pouring so heavily, like no one’s business, and i couldn’t see properly cause i have nothing to keep the rain off my face ::annoyedmax::
and the most annoying part was when the rain literally stopped after i came out of the shower. that was like less than 30mins after it showered upon me! wth! after that i saw people running around the lake happily – ‘cause the weather was so nice after the rain. cis.
anyways as i was google –ing these pics i chanced upon a website (how-to website) giving tips on how to run in the rain. what? tips? to run in the rain???
and i read it. haha.
they have like 10 tips; one in particular caught my attention.
“Don’t overdress
This is one the biggest mistakes runners make when heading out for a rainy run. Wearing more layers will not keep you dry. Unless you're running with an umbrella over your head, you will definitely get wet. If you have tons of layers on, you will just be wearing more wet, heavy clothes. Dress for the temperature, as if it were a dry day.”
Errr………
isn’t that like common sense????
even dry- fit tops and bottoms can’t keep you dry
LOL

I AM SO FREAKING TIRED

 T_T

where was i

i was in the coffee shop, with my uncle and cousins, just a couple of blocks away from my home in Klang. we were having breakfast (we were going for a camping trip on that very day) while watching the news showing reruns of that plane that hit the WTC. i was 12 and that incident was not significant enough for me to rummage through the newspaper for details. i figured, at that time, i was just too excited about that camping trip. nevertheless, that tragedy, or more precisely images from that tragedy left a horrifying memory in my mind. they played reruns of a man taking his own life by jumping of the tower few minutes after the tower was hit. i was terrified for him and sad as well because i bet he knew the tower will collapse and he will eventually die. i felt sad for the senseless loss of innocent lives.

after that tragedy i bet many took sides. but i was reluctant to take any. what difference does it make to take revenge on the party that did this?

soon after that terms like weapon of mass destruction, terrorist, war, pentagon, ground zero, al- Qaeda etc. can be heard and read everywhere. what the hell is WMD? terrorist? al- Qaeda? i didn’t even know their existence! i was 12 for gods' sake! UPSR and piano lessons were my(the) only concerns (that i know of)

now 9/11 is approaching, and paranoia resurface. people begin talking about the dead, the heroes, the aftermath, grieving family members, politicians, victims……the list goes on and on and on and on……

in my opinion when that tragedy happened no one actually won. people might think they have had the ultimate justice and revenge with the death of those villains. but somehow, somewhere in the equation i don’t think any one actually won without the presence of forgiveness and compassion for the living.

so as 9/11 approaches i’ll pray for the families and friends who have lost their loved ones. let there be no hatred. may you all find peace and closure (although i am not very fond of the term closure). and let's just remember and celebrate the lives that were lost.

somewhat bittersweet

As I was walking to my school, minding my own business while trying hard to ignore(block my mind of) all the annoying stares from passers- by,  I was hit by a wave of nostalgia.
I happened to use the same pathway to my school every weekday for the past few weeks. The view around me was slightly different this week with canopies all over the campus ground, people in black PPSL jackets(=.=''') and unfamiliar faces of the freshies- and how can I not mention the sounds of siren blasting in the wee hours of the morning ::rollingmyeyes::


Upon reaching Fajar Harapan I saw a bunch of freshies under the "supervision" of their "PPSL" practising cheers in the makeshift canopy. Immediately, my mind was flooded with memories of being a freshie: annoying, lame cheers that I/we was/were forced to practice every night, boring speeches/talks, walking under the hot sun, eating plain rice with gravy, endless walking, trapped in the campus ground for a week, meeting new friends/acquaintances (some that I am very fond of and a few have already been disposed of) and of course the fun we had after surviving that one week of "orientation".

As I was browsing through these pics, I realised how much I have changed over the years

.

the journey of that freshie begun two years ago.

and now, she is a senior.