i got into an ugly argument with my sister today.. again..
everytime i will try not to engage any argument with her... i simply keep my mouth shut and pretend to hear nothing from her.. this way, i could stop my mouth form spilling any mean words out..
but today, i could compromise no more..
no more keeping mum..
i yelled profusely at her. and i'm very proud of it.. i couldn't sit there and do nothing. since i was suppose to drop her at work, i didn't ..i left it to my mum.. i intend to drive her there myself but after listening to her crap, i got so irritated.. i watched tv instead...btw she's actually kinda late to work.. plus the argument she started.. she's so so late... haha.. karma!


i know i'm not good at making people understand me bcuz i always walk away whenever i'm not comfortable of what ppl say or i'll sighed and frowned..
it's unlikely for me to explain and justify myself to others simply because i find it useless and it's not my main priority to do so.. people will still think the way they wanted ... we are humans!

how could she insult me and say untrue stuffs about me without proper research infront of my mum with no reason... i'm the one who should yell at her after wednesday's incident but i didn't... i kept my composure for the sake of not wanting to spoil the night.. but i couldn't take it anymore..
can you believe i'm stucked in a car with HER for an hour and have to listen to HER raising HER annoying voice at HER boyfriend?????!!!!!!

i HATE IT!!!!
gosh! I swear i would never ever ever have dinner with her and her boyfriend ever ever ever again in my life...with condition my dad's not joining us...and not just dinner only, vacation, yumcha,and everything that we can do together, i would certainly avoid...

you see, my sister is so so afraid of my dad...hence, she wouldnt dare to throw her tantrums infront of him..

that wednesday, my dad ffk us suddenly.. i should have seen this coming... haihzz..
so one lesson learnt... NO DADDY NO DINNER!period.

my relationship with my sister weren't good long long time ago...though i'm not really proud of it..

we have lots of misunderstandings... but i never intended to stop it becuz it's useless... her mouth is way too powerful than anyone can expect...even if i did explain.. total useless.. no use beating a dead horse.


ps it was not her bf's fault.. i never blame him. instead, i pity him. really.

i survived tru hell!!! 1st stage in hell....

i made it tru the first week in hell!!!
praises please people!!
come on, it's really tough you know.... you wouldn't wanna know what i have gotta go tru..
STRESSS.... my stress receptors are really stimulated to the max ... no kiddin'
anyways, there is no use complainin... gotta live tru it..
tho i don't seem to walk the talk...
people used to think i'm strong, independant, confident , prepared... and so on... but i'm not ...
for this exam...nope i'm not ready..
truthfully, i'm 80% much more prepared when i sat for SPM than now...
i know i'm gonna let my parents down.. and my aunts who put such high hopes on me since...since... haihz don't bother mentioning...
i could see from my dad's reaction when i said i did badly in my maths and chemistry papers..
people would never see or think that i'm the one who's really upset.. this is me.. the black sheep...
i guess i turned to be one since i learnt how to sing baa baa black sheep..

i was really upset... i tot i'd go home and cry till my head hurts. but i didn't ... i managed to get tru tho a part of me regretted dearly for making such an unacceptable mistake...which is i gave up... i gave up even before time is up... i gave up...i just gave up..

i don't know why i did that... my inner voice were just not as strong as my thoughts... my devillish thoughts...

i feel so embarresed...

adding salt to injury, yong shien and his predictions... saying that i'll score well... BULLSHIT!
i don't understand why people think i'm gonna get straight As???
i don't get that part..
people, wait till March... then you'd know how wrong you are... cuz i really screwed up my last chance...
i'm not proud of it...
but if i kept thinking bout it i'll go crazy...
i need to let that go and work on the other subjects...

oh gosh, long post... haiz.. you can give up reading if you want. it's not like i know you're reading my blog..

seriously, if i could turn back the time, i'd realy really want a chance to fix this problem... i wanna go back in time to make things right...

i really wish i could do that...... till then i'm just a messed up student trying so hard to get people to understand wat i'm going tru...

p.s i really hate people who doesn't know me jugde me based on what they wanna believe in.

countdown to freedom

STPM is getting nearer... i can even smell it..
i can smell freedom too... which is the only thing i'm looking forward rite now..
last time it used to be months away... now... less than a week!
fu yoh... time passed so quickly...

i don't know why... but the mood to study just disappeared... shouldn't i be studying real hard especially at this time...???
i just became so reluctant to touch any books nowadays..
yet i'm afraid to screw up my cert..my life...
haihzz... i dunno what i want...
bin wrote a very sentimental blog.. i was kinda moved by it... it reminded me of the days, happy and sad days we had gone through together...~emo~
anyways... i hope we(all the fellow bio gang) could still meet after this... =)