"Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long..."

"You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of  such beautiful specific details"

Celine, Before Sunset

Of every moment a part of the past....7 things

... every car plate number ending with "the" double digit I see on the road just seem to make me forget how to breathe normally.
... dare not let myself to hear songs that used to (still) mean so much to me
... places I used to dream of going, but how to go when things are different now
... I still love making pasta
... gastric is back, and it is hurting my spine, my stomach, my head
... turned on the TV super loud to kill the silence that surrounds me
... feels like I am singing my life when I sing those songs

It Ain't Sombre

Music has always been my hiding spot whenever I hit a bump. Maybe it is a habit of me dissecting every single note or tune in a music I hear - too much of Dr Razak and Dr Johan's influence perhaps. There is never a perfect music unless you perfected it yourself thus I love expressing music I love in my own way.
Life is never perfect. I thought I had a perfect life, then I hit rock bottom. So all I can do now is dream of perfection through the music I play, strum, and hum.
The only way I can attain perfection.

I hope I could hit the fast forward button in spite knowing there's real wisdom and discovery in this interim period.

Wow... self-righteousness alert.

"Pain is meant to be felt"

I do not like the fact that as I age the more funerals I will attend. Well, so far it is true having attended a few this year.
Honestly, after every funerals or wakes I attended fear loomed over me. I am afraid that one day I will be the one wearing that white gown. You must think how silly of me being afraid of being the one mourning. But I am. I am bad at wakes or funerals. Very bad.
All I could think of, every time, is how sorry I feel for the families on losing their beloved. This sadness I felt could last a decade if I were to allow myself to be overwhelmed by this emotion.
Having said that, I do know (still) that there is no shame in dying and we should instead celebrate in memory of the deceased rather than mourning endlessly.
If it were that easy right?
And so the only thing I always do is to give the warmest hug I could ever give.

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Anyways, if I were to attend my own funeral I wish it will be filled with lilies and my favorite songs played all through the procession.
Just saying.